where we are is where i always want to be

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Ash,

You're asleep right now. Well.. maybe. Your breathing is slower but sometimes you fake it to mess with me.

It's 12:38am and I should be sleeping too but I'm just.. looking at you. The little crease between your eyebrows is still there. You get it when you're dreaming about something intense. I wanna smooth it out but I also don't wanna wake you up.

I was just thinking.. this is it. This is the place.

Not the apartment, not the bed, not the way the window's cracked open a little too far so the air's cold on my arm. I mean here. With you.

Where we are is where I always want to be. And that's not something I've been able to say about anyone before. Usually I'm thinking about the next thing, the exit, the escape plan. But with you, I forget to look for the door.

Earlier tonight you made me tea without asking. You didn't even say anything about it. Just set it down next to me while I was scrolling on my phone. It was the exact way I like it. And I don't know why but that.. broke me a little. In a good way.

I know this won't always be easy. I know life gets messy and people get tired. But if you ever wonder.. if you ever doubt.. right now, here, like this, is it for me. And I don't want anywhere else.

Okay. I'm gonna try to sleep now. Or at least stop staring at you like a creep.

-C

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