Love Was Written

Nico, I've rewritten this a thousand times and it still doesn't sound right. Maybe because nothing I say will make up for what I didn't say when I had the chance. But here goes nothing. Or maybe here goes everything. I miss you. There. That's the part I always want to skip, like it isn't still sitting in the room with me, breathing heavier than I do. You were so patient with me. You waited while I figured myself out. You stayed through the messes I pretended weren't mine. You showed up, again and again, even when I didn't even know how to ask. You once brought me a coffee with a sticky note that said, "I know you won't say it, but I can tell today is a heavy day. Let me carry part of it." I think about that a lot. Not just the note. But the way you knew. You always knew. And I never said thank you the way I should've. I thought I had time. Time to get better. Time to become the version of me who could love you without fear, without walls, ...

  Tala, I don't know if you still let people call you that. Maybe it's just "T" now. Or something cooler, cleaner, more you-but-not-me. But you'll always be Tala to me. Star, light, orbit, everything I couldn't reach but tried anyway. I keep wondering.. how much of you is still the you I knew? Like, do you still hate soggy fries but eat them anyway because you don't like wasting food? Do you still do that little twitch with your left eyebrow when you're pretending you're okay but you're really not? Do you still fall asleep to sad songs on purpose? I don't mean to sound creepy. God. This is coming out wrong. What I mean is.. I'm scared that the version of you I love is already fading. Like a photo left out in the sun too long. I saw a picture of you. Just one someone else posted. You looked.. older, maybe. Different. Happier? I didn't know how to feel. Part of me wanted to print it and tape it to my wall. Part of me wanted to cry. Mo...